Shame is a strange notion and it is one that, if not dealt with correctly, can be extremely harmful to your character and progress. At its core, shame is a feeling that we experience when we feel unworthy, regret, dishonor, or just general inadequacy but in truth we have to learn to deal with this emotion because if we don’t, it will drag us down.
To put it simply, there are two different types of shame and they vary in how they affect us and how we can grow from them. The ‘wrong’ shame, if you will, is one that is completely destructive and one that we cannot grow from; in its essence, it is just another form of self-pity and it leads to a never-ending spiral of negativity. The ‘right’ kind of shame is one that we can learn from and can become stronger, as a result. This type of shame makes itself known when we do something we regret but the key difference is; we learn a lesson from this type and instantly become bigger and better. With this in mind, we need to know how to deal with shame in the right way and luckily, we have a few top tips.
Be in the Present – Before we can move forward even the smallest amount, we have to understand and process things that we are shameful of. In truth, sometimes we have this underlying shame without even realizing it but as soon as you write it down or say it aloud, it can help you to move on. When we fully understand where the shame has come from and what it is about, we have this new determination to become a better person as we process the shame.
Don’t Hide – The worst thing that we could possibly do during this process is hide the shame and try to cover for it in some way because it is a part of us, one way or another we have to deal with it. If we hide it underneath, we aren’t really dealing with the core problem but instead ‘wallpapering over the cracks’.
Be Compassionate – Let’s ask a quick question – what would you do if it was your friend that was feeling shameful? More often than not, we would try and comfort them so why should we do anything else to ourselves? We need to be compassionate and understanding towards ourselves rather than being hard and cold; you make mistakes just like everyone else so stop being hard and let yourself climb the hurdle.
Rethink – Ultimately, a large percentage of shame comes purely from predictions that we make in our own heads. If you are telling yourself that you are a bad person, try to challenge yourself and find the evidence to the contrary.
So there we have it, it’s true that shame can be damaging but we can learn to process and overcome it and ultimately Live Life Fully!
