When it comes to relationships, you could say that they are built upon a thin piece of string where there is a potential for many things to topple it over. Nowadays, it seems as though relationships can be ruined from something simple like a comment on a social media site. However, there is something far more damaging to a relationship that has been around for centuries and this is ‘shaming’.
In most cases, it will be conveyed verbally and it makes someone feel bad about a particular action or something they said. Normally, a comment will be made in a disgusted tone and it makes the recipient feel a sense of shame. Aside from this, it can also be seen with body language and particular movements like rolling the eyes or sarcasm. Within a relationship, emotional stability is vital so we have some advice here today.
When one party suggests that the other is not ‘OK’ through shaming, there is no way that there can be a feeling of emotional stability. However, we believe that a relationship can be free from all negativity. With no negativity, this means no shaming, no criticism, no blaming, and nothing that will make one party emotionally unsafe. When people first hear this, they say ‘arguments and fights are just a natural part of a relationship’ but why have we allowed this to become the ‘norm’?
Today, we are going to make a change and it starts with the removal of negativity because this does have an impact on intimacy which can destroy a relationship. When one party feels ashamed, intimacy is ruined because there is a lack of trust and they don’t feel emotionally safe. Therefore, we are going to change comments like ‘what’s wrong with you?’ and ‘you’re such a loser’. Instead of putting on a mask and sending coded messages, we are going to open up and communicate using emotions and truths. Rather than implying that something is ‘wrong’ with a partner, ask them what they are feeling and reciprocate with your emotions.
Instantly, trust will be rebuilt between two people and the two will appreciate that they have each other’s backs against the world. Once you communicate, you know what it will take for both of you to feel OK and the help for each other can begin. When we blame or shame our partners, we destroy confidence and trust without actually finding out what they feel or need. Let’s say that they lost their job, you could explain that you are worried about how the bills will be paid and whether they will actively seek another job. In reply, they can explain that they are willing to find another job to continue living the current lifestyle and issues will be resolved. Can you see how much better this is than blaming and shaming?
When we feel ashamed, we cocoon and shut off from the world which solves absolutely nothing. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to hold onto any resentment that you feel but you can solve problems in a more mature manner. Once you both learn this skill, your relationship will be built upon rope instead of string and you can Live Life Fully!
