When we use the word shame, we use it in a loose way because it can be a hard word to define. Even though we know what we mean by using the term, it isn’t quite embarrassment nor is it guilt, modesty, or even shyness. Normally, it is a feeling that comes from statements such as ‘I’m worthless’ and this itself can come from simple mistakes. Above all else, it is generally a feeling of letting ourselves or others down.
Over time, shame can be damaging because we stop being ourselves and start to cocoon inwards. Therefore, you should always be looking to let go of shame and it can begin with giving up the never-ending pursuit for perfection. Often, shame comes because we made a mistake and we didn’t reach this seemingly impossible state of perfection. Rather than aiming for this impossible target, it is time to learn more about you and what you want to/can achieve.
Next, you need to stop thinking about the things you have done wrong all the time. Otherwise known as rumination, this leads to anxiety, depression, and can even have physical effects such as higher blood pressure. Although this is easy to do, you have to remember that it solves nothing. In life, we move forwards so focusing on what has been and gone will only lead to a downwards spiral.
Once you learn to do these two things, you can start to build your self-esteem. To start, you should write down a list of things you like about yourself or even your achievements whether it is in your job or personal life. From qualifications to helping others, write them all down. Then, you can introduce daily affirmations which are positive statements to flip your mindset from a negative one to a positive. As you grow as a person, you will learn to appreciate that you are unique. Despite there being seven billion people in the world, there is only one you which is why your quest for perfection is a little pointless. Of course, we aren’t saying that you shouldn’t strive to achieve because this is something entirely different.
As you surround yourself with positive people, your self-esteem will grow and there will be only one last thing to remember – opinions are different to facts. When someone else or even you give an opinion about yourself, it isn’t a fact. When you say, ‘I’m so stupid’, you can look at your list of achievements which suggests otherwise. With this mindset, you don’t have to worry about what others think and you can let go of any potential shame you feel to Live Life Fully!
