Not long ago, there was a joke circulating over the holidays that said we lose five years for every day spent at home where we grew up. Therefore, a trip should always be short enough so we can still drive away. Of course, this offers very clever word play but there are some serious concerns lying underneath. So with the upcoming long weekend, I thought this would be a good discussion.
Sadly, this is a challenge we all experience whether it is arguing with parents over the dishes or choosing to meet up with friends rather than staying at home. Even as an adult, it becomes easy to slip into old habits and regress into the children we once were. For some, they even go back home and sleep in their old room which is decorated just as it was when they left. This can make the kid in each of us show up even more.
At this point, we should note that we aren’t saying this process happens to everyone but it is certainly a problem for many. According to many experts, family roles die hard and we slip into what feels familiar and this can be damaging if we aren’t strong enough to resist the pull. With this being said, how do we resist because it sounds easier than it is in reality?
Two-Way Road – First, it is definitely a two-way street and you will need to sit down with your parents to discuss certain things. For example, you should be able to bring your partner home and sleep in the same bed (something that some parents prevent). As adults, it is important to negotiate while still respecting your parents wishes. Often, disrespecting and going against the word of your parents is what causes the slip back into the teenage mindset so offer to stay in a hotel if necessary.
Resolve Conflicts – Next, we recommend resolving all conflicts before you come home and treating your return as a fresh start as an adult. Once this is done, the parents will enjoy their time with you without envying the time you want to spend with friends. When there is an unhealthy relationship at the forefront of everything, traditions will be hard to adjust and your parents will question why nothing is good enough for you now when it was in the past.
Ultimately, it is all about finding a healthy adult relationship. As well as respecting each other’s wishes, you need to be strong enough to negotiate and treat each other like adults rather than reverting. For the first few times, this might require a extra focus to achieve a healthy mindset but eventually it can work and you will Live Life Fully even at home with your family!
If this doesn’t work try Adele. It seemed to work for this family at Thanksgiving!
